She was used to being loved with sharp edges. This was nothing new to her. The breadcrumbs kept her coming back. Nothing ever came simple to her, it was something she had to work for. Something she had to earn.
Love always had consequences, restrictions and conditions. Love was painful but also it was everything she craved. Harsh words were not foreign to her. The pain had become all too familiar to her that it just seemed natural. They somehow made her feel safe but at the same time made her feel worthless and inadequate.
It was all a bit scary but a thrill at the same time. It was everything she needed but everything that was wrong in her life at the same time. It was all a guessing game to her. Waiting for something to go wrong because somehow it always would and it would always be all her fault.
She never felt like she was enough but at the same time she felt like she was too much. She wanted too much and she asked for too much. She cared too much and she felt too much. If only there was a way to shrink herself down.
She always saw the world through rose-colored glasses. Always ignored the doom and gloom and looked for the sun and the perfect rainbow in every setting. She would even imagine that beauty was there even if it wasn’t. She would just think to herself that it was hidden just waiting to be found. Maybe if she tried harder she could see it.
She became hyper-vigilant, always looking over her shoulder. Silently waiting for the next reaction, the next explosion, where she would become smaller and smaller until she shrank down into nothing and eventually disappear.